Managing a Home: How NOT to do it!

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After Instagram has taken over the Blogging arena by storm, the net scape has and is continuously changing. Many readers today would want a quick short write up to give a gist of the matter, rather than a full blown 3 page article. And yes, the number of people who use a laptop/desktop itself has seen a decline, apart from those of us who need it for our professional work.

I've been quite active on Insta myself, and the page is mainly dedicated to food, simple home management and maintaining house plants. After putting up snippets on Insta every now and then, I felt I could actually put all of these tiny tips and tricks which I've either picked up over the years, or have learnt from the older women in the family. When I set up home last year, I was completely at sea! I remember looking around at the packed stuff stacked around the place, and just sitting down in despair, wondering as to how I'll manage a home!

Being an only child who was always asked to concentrate on studies and career, home management skills were minimal. Worse, the husband is an only child too, brought up pretty much in the same way. And that made it even more worse!

So we began on the wrong foot. There would be arguments over very very trivial issues. Harsh words have been exchanged, way out of proportion for what the situation called for. It took a while for me to realize and accept the fact that a home is meant to be lived in, and you cannot have a living space that looks straight out of a copy of Architectural Digest. So what brought about this realization? Read on.

NINE LESSONS LEARNT

1) Simplify & De-clutter!

This has been the key for all the rest of the tips to follow. I come from a family of hoarders. Things are NEVER given away or thrown. NEVER. And this is the enemy of the worst possible kind. When you enter your home, you should feel happy and grateful as you enter. Too many things can weigh you down! Too many decor items, curios etc. look good provided you have a system to periodically clean/wipe down/dust. Else, these very objects become the source of discontent.

So the mantra has been (in Marie Kondo's words), if a certain object doesn't spark joy, just give it away where it'll be put to better use. Well, I'm no Marie Kondo for expert tips in this case. I simply follow the six month rule.  If I haven't used something in the last six months, I give it away to someone that would use it in a better way than me. 

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Those clothes at the back of your wardrobe which have stopped fitting ages ago, but you have carefully kept them to be worn when you finally start fitting them - PLEASE give them away! You can pick a few new ones if ever you go back to a smaller size. Let those clothes be worn by someone else today. Of course, in our Indian set up, you simply cannot apply it strictly as many of our wardrobes are filled with sarees/partywear that's worn maybe once a year or even less. But nevertheless, it is a good idea to keep giving away stuff every now and then, so as to have a manageable wardrobe.

You have a vase given as a present which you do not like, but feel guilty about giving it away - it is totally ok to do so. Remember, it was a present to you, and whether you use it or not is totally your decision. 

This is one principle I've applied to books, clothes, kitchen utensils & containers, water bottles, tiffin boxes etc. to create so much more space at home!

2) Organize!

If there's one tip I've picked up from various accounts on Instagram, it is to organize stuff using baskets and cloth bins. That way, I atleast have a decent looking wardrobe, without stray underwear strewn about! 

At present we stay in a rented accommodation, and we have to make do with the available furniture itself. This means limited space that has to be utilized in the best possible way. Using storage trays, baskets and boxes has immensely helped. This applies to almost all drawers at home, and even the kitchen countertop. This way I have no random things around, plus it's much easier to find stuff.

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Organising things at home has also to some extent minimized the chances of buying unnecessary stuff and spending unnecessarily. Organizing stuff and storing similar items together has largely helped in this. Now I longer buy another packet of a spice powder/ condiments when I already have untouched ones nearing the expiry date in the pantry. 

3) Budget it!

An extension of the previous point, make a point of having a budget of some sort and noting it down. I know people who write down every single expense, and I also know people who do not believe in maintaining a budget list at all. Well, to each his own. I roughly note down expenditure based on how much goes into Amazon, various bills, food, cash drawn for day-to-day expenditure, etc. 

This way, I roughly know how much is going in each of these areas, and helps me identify areas where I've been spending when I need not have. There are various Apps as well, but I'm old school and I like writing it down. Also, I've learnt to say 'no' or that 'I cannot afford something' without feeling ashamed, as is the case with many people I know. 

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I definitely am not stingy as I don't hold back on what we really need, but with the Lockdown and seeing how hard it has been for various people and street animals, I've become more thrifty or rather more conscious on what I spend on. What would be spent on a saree that I really didn't need but I liked so much I couldn't resist buying, now directly goes towards the local animal shelter and animal feed for the community dogs of my street.

4) Be realistic!

It's all good to see an antique statue or a beautiful vase placed in a perfect setting in a pretty looking corner. Fairy lights and dream catchers for a dreamy bedroom space. However, all such "show pieces" in Indian parlance, are dust gathering items too, and have to be wiped and cleaned regularly. Else, they just end up looking ugly. So set up your space depending on how much time you can dedicate to maintaining it or how much house help you can afford to hire. 

5) Share responsibilities/ Designate work

We have split chores amidst ourselves. Once designated, it is a good idea not to interfere and try to get it done in "your" way. This one is mainly a note to self! After all, if both of you are working, you'd hardly spend any time together everyday. Don't waste those precious moments arguing. 

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I know people who have a very strict cleaning schedule. I know of people who draw up weekly meal plans and actually stick to it. For us it simply doesn't work this way and is a source of pure stress. So we just try to have a rough list of things to be done, and do it as and when each of us can, except for very essential things such as cooking and doing the laundry. I plan meals for two days and what is cooked depends on what my fridge has. Planning for many days has not agreed with me.

6) Lower your Expectations

When you set up your first home together, you'd definitely have many ideas. On how you want your living space to look and feel like. How you'd want your bedroom to be all cozy and dreamy. How you'd want a perfectly clean and shiny kitchen ALL the time! 

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Yes, all this is still possible but one has to work for it, either on her/his own, or hire help. And even then, when you continuously tend to use a space, there will be things strewn around. Try not to get into arguments over a book lying on the living room couch, or a pair of pants lying on the bed, however irritated you are (this is again a note to self!). Because at the end of the day, it is better to go to bed with a messy home with a relaxed mind, rather than a unhealthy atmosphere with backs turned! I myself am working over this, still.

7) A regular overhaul!

Change is the only constant, they say and a phrase that I swear by. Don't be rigid in the systems that you develop. I try to pick up tips from around me whenever and from whoever I can, and implement it at home if it suits us. Instagram is one place where I've found so many accounts just dedicated to running a household. Of course, many of these are from stay-at-home moms and not very practical for me, but have been a really great source of ideas on having a simple life. 

8) Acceptance

This bit may sound very philosophical coming from me, but yes, this one simple realization has brought about a lot of change in my very outlook. Both of you have been raised in different ways. What seems normal to him may feel completely weird to you, and vice versa. So the initial months were filled with constant bickering about a stray towel lying in some random place or spilt water on the floor. It took some time to come to terms with the fact that instead of trying to correct each other, devise systems to avoid such occurrences. And such simple steps have been a life saver.

9) Love yourself!

And this friends, is the most important of all. There have been days in the first few months when I've sent the whole day wiping down and cleaning stuff, and feeling frustrated at the end of the day, while I should've have been happy instead. Now, I simply allocate a fixed time/activity and finish it up, leaving the rest for later or the next day, or the next. I designate time to read each night before bed. I don't compromise on myself at the cost of having a spotless home. 

This one point has been THE game changer for me!

So folks, that was a 'listicle' as is the trend today, on few things that I've learnt from this one-odd year of having a place of our own. Do share your tips in the comments below!