“In the Indian society at large, a
male doctor is a doctor, whereas a female doctor is first a woman, then a
doctor. Basically, she has to fulfill ALL the other duties expected of a lady,
in addition to that of a doctor. It is perfectly okay for a male doctor to work
for 15 hours a day; he’ll be applauded for his dedication to the society.
However, if a lady doctor does that, she’ll be condemned for being too
ambitious and the lack of dedication to her family; defamed for not being a
good mother, because of which her children will most definitely go astray!
How do you deal with it? Just be true
to yourself, and yes, develop a very thick skin!”
Being
an only much-loved child, the upbringing at home did not differentiate between
genders. Infact I never knew such a thing existed thanks to the cosy bubble I
lived in, till high school. I remember all the girls discussing what career to
pursue, and one of the girls simply remarked, I’m going to get married because
that’s what is expected of a “nice” girl. I was never able to find out what
exactly a “nice girl” meant.
Fast
forward to medical school, the very first incident that stands out for me was
how patients almost always addressed a female medical student as ‘Sister’, and
a male as ‘Doctor’. You could attribute this to their ignorance, or them trying
to be respectful to the girl, but no. Even if they were told specifically, they
would still continue the ‘sister’ chant. And these would be the same people who
would want a ‘lady doctor’ to examine their wives!
The
next incident that struck me was how it didn’t matter even if a girl was a
doctor, was when one of my best friends from medical school who also had been
the batch topper, had to get all dolled up and pose pretty for a set of tacky
photographs to be taken at a studio, which would enter the chakravyuh of the Indian marriage market. And she even had to
endure the custom of ‘ladki dekna’,
just a week prior to the All India PG Entrance exams (there was no NEET then),
despite her repeated requests. And yes, he said no, because she was too thin!
These
few incidents made me realise that in the Indian society (not the workplace, I
mean the family or the society at large), a male doctor is looked at as a
doctor, whereas a female doctor is first a woman, then a doctor. Basically, she
just has to fulfil ALL the other duties expected of a lady, in addition to that
of being doctor. It is perfectly okay for the male doctor to work for 15 hours
a day, he’ll be applauded and praised for his dedication to the society.
However, if a lady doctor does that, she’ll be tarnished for her lack of
dedication to her family. She’ll be defamed for not being a good mother, as a
result of which her children will most definitely go astray! And yes, for being
too ambitious as well!
Most
of the times, the family will be supportive and will work out things between
themselves, it is random unconcerned people who will have a problem. And yes, women
can be their own worst enemies, true that. A friend (who also happened to be the
PG gold medal holder) took a short break to raise a
family; the kind of comments she had to endure – it is a wonder as to how she
kept her cool despite all the nosy questions from random people. Today she is a
proud mother of two beautiful children apart from being a badass surgeon as
well! I can list out many such incidents in my very own small circle of
friends.
How
does one deal with this kind of negativity? One cannot change peoples’ mind
set, no matter how much one tries. Instead, the best way is to be true to
yourself, and yes, develop a very thick skin!
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